Masked Intruder

Leave a comment

November 28, 2013 by Wasted Opportunities Zine

Appeared in W.O. Zine Issue 4:

I’ve never been robbed. The closest I’ve come is having a fly screen removed while I slept however the would-be thief never made it in. But if I were to be robbed, then I wouldn’t want it to be by anyone other than Masked Intruder.

Four criminal musicians, who lay it on the line for love and knife crime. Their demented punk rock is fun yet, somehow, surprisingly sincere even if it’s about a variety of criminal activity. The band has managed to stick a knife into the clichéd punk rock love song giving it new life (and made it a little creepy all at the same time).

An air of mystery surrounds the band, who are only distinguishable by the colour of their ski masks. They communicate in all caps and if you have yet to frequent their twitter account, it’s a regular goldmine of entertainment and Snooki related longing.

The band’s demo release and subsequent EP have become some of my all time favourites. Even better, the band is set to release their debut full length in August. With a bag full of questions I walked down a dark alleyway to find out more about the band, what makes them tick, and their music. Enjoy…

Q– As the band is from Wisconsin, did that contribute to your life of crime in any way? Are the members of Masked Intruder a product of their environment or criminal genetics?

BLUE: WE DON’T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT GENETICS. WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO OUR DADS ARE.  THEY WERE PROBABLY CRIMINALS THOUGH, JUDGING BY THE DUDES OUR MOMS USUALLY DATE.

GREEN: YEAH.  MY MOMS BOYFRIEND IS A REAL PSYCHO.

YELLOW: THE PEOPLE IN WISCONSIN ARE REAL NICE.  SO, IT’S EASY TO ROB THEM.

Q- What was Masked Intruder like as children? Can you share some stories of your formative years?

BLUE: WE SPENT A LOT OF OUR CHILDHOODS IN JUVY.  ALSO ON THE STREETS.  IT WAS ROUGH.

GREEN: ONE YEAR, ALL I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS WAS A HALF EATEN BURRITO.  THAT WAS THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT I EVER GOT.

YELLOW: I USED TO GET BLACK EYES FOR CHRISTMAS…  EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR.

RED: I LIKE SKATEBOARDING.

Q– Can you give us a little of the run sheet on Masked Intruder? When and where did you all first meet?

BLUE: WE MET IN THE JOINT. 

YELLOW: ALLEGEDLY.

RED: I NEVER SEEN THESE GUYS BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

Q- How did you each determine your ski mask colours?

BLUE: WE CHOSE ‘EM BECAUSE OF OUR NAMES.  IT JUST WORKED OUT.  EXCEPT WE MOSTLY CALL YELLOW ‘ORANGE’.  IT’S LIKE A NICKNAME.

YELLOW: MY NAME IS YELLOW, ORANGE FOR SHORT.

Q- Have the respective band members of Masked Intruder ever seen each other’s faces? Or is the band ensuring plausible deniability?

BLUE: MOST OF US HAVE NEVER EVEN SEEN OUR OWN FACES.  WE DO EVERYTHING WITH OUR MASKS ON. WE SHOWER WITH EM ON, SKIP COURT DATES WITH EM ON, DRINK WITH EM ON, ROB PEOPLE WITH EM ON.

RED: ALLEGEDLY.

BLUE: EVERYTHING.

GREEN: EATING ICE CREAM GETS REAL GROSS IF YOU ARENT CAREFUL.  IT’S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR AMOMIMITY.

Q- You’re currently recording a debut album at Atlas Studios with Matt Allison, what can we expect from the new album? Are there any themes you wanted to explore?

BLUE: YOU CAN EXPECT IT TO BE REAL GOOD, CAUSE WE WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT.  MATT ALLISON IS LIKE A REAL PRO, AND HE DOES A GREAT JOB.  WE MIGHTA MADE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE A LITTLE BIT, BUT HE POWERED THROUGH IT AND GOT GREAT PERFORMANCES OUT OF US.  AS FAR AS THE THEMES GO, IT’S YOUR AVERAGE STUFF: LIFE, LOVE, ARMED ROBERRY, BREAKING AND ENTERING.  WE TRY TO WRITE REALLY GOOD LOVE SONGS, BUT BE HONEST ABOUT THINGS, LIKE HOW CHICKS CALL THE COPS SOMETIMES WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC.

Q- Do you have any album details you can share- title? Any track names?

BLUE: THE RECORD WILL BE CALLED “MASKED INTRUDER”.  WE REDID SOME FAN FAVORITES, LIKE “UNREQUITED LOVE” AND “STICK ‘EM UP”, AND THE NEW VERSIONS OF THE OLD TUNES ARE REALLY GREAT.  MOST OF THE RECORD IS NEW STUFF, INCLUDING A REALLY COOL DUET FEATURING MAURA FROM MIXTAPES.  THE FIRST SONG IS CALLED “25 TO LIFE”.  IT’S A LOVE SONG.

Q- The band often sings about love. What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone?

YELLOW: WE TWEET SNOOKIE ALOT.

GREEN: WE ARE VERY ROMANTIC, SO PROBABLY EVERYTHING WE DO IS THE MOST ROMANTIC THING WE’VE EVER DONE.

BLUE: IT’S LIKE WE’RE CONSTANTLY OUTDOING OURSELVES. WE PROPOSE TO GIRLS ON STAGE A LOT.  NO TAKERS YET.  ONE GIRL SEEMED INTO IT, BUT IT TURNED OUT SHE WAS JUST WASTED ON COUGH SYRUP.  SHE WAS REALLY HOT, THOUGH.

Q- Meatloaf famously sang ‘I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that’, in your mind what is the thing he won’t do and would Masked Intruder do it for love? Is there anything you wouldn’t do for love?

BLUE: I NEVER KNEW WHAT THE HELL HE WAS TALKING ABOUT IN THAT SONG!!  I ALWAYS WONDERED ABOUT THAT.  I WAS GUESSING HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW HE WOULDN’T GIVE UP SOME KINDA FOOD, CAUSE HE’S A FAT DUDE, BUT I DON’T KNOW.  THERES NOTHING WE WOULDN’T DO FOR LOVE THOUGH.

YELLOW: WE DO EVERYTHING FOR LOVE ALL THE TIME.

RED: ESPECIALLY GREEN.  HE’S A REAL SUCKER.

GREEN: SHUT UP GUYS.

Q- What’s your one piece of advice to a shy guy who has trouble talking to women?

GREEN: YOU CAN SAY ALOT WITH A ROMANTIC GESTURE.

BLUE: YEAH, LIKE EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS IN SONG.  OR, YOU COULD MAKE HER LIKE A MIXTAPE OR SOMETHING.

YELLOW: YOU CAN CALL A GIRL AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.  YOU CAN JUST SIT THERE QUIETLY, LIKE WHAT RYAN GOSLING WOULD DO.  SHE WILL KNOW YOU CARE CAUSE SHE CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING.

Q- We’ve all experienced heartbreak before, having a lover leave or cheat.  What are some ways that you have tried to get over a time of heartbreak? What made things a little easier in the end?

RED: LUBE.

BLUE: DEALING WITH HEARTBREAK IS LIKE, REALLY HARD. I WISH I KNEW HOW TO MAKE IT EASIER, BUT I DON’T. I THINK ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS JUST GET REALLY DRUNK.

GREEN: YEAH, GETTING DRUNK HELPS.  ALSO, YOU CAN WRITE A LETTER WITH ALL THE THINGS YOU WANNA SAY TO THE PERSON.  THEN YOU CAN GIVE IT TO EM, OR JUST BURN IT UP ALONG WITH THEIR HOUSE.

Q- Related to having your heart broken, have you ever tried to win back a lost love? How did you try and change their minds?

YELLOW: ONE TIME, RED STAPLED A LOVE LETTER TO THIS GIRLS CAT.  IT DIDNT WORK, BUT IT WAS HILARIOUS.

RED: I THOUGHT IT WAS DEAD, BUT IT WAS JUST ASLEEP.  YOU LIVE AND YOU LEARN.

Q- What’s the most punk rock thing you can use to make a shiv out of?

BLUE: MAYBE LIKE A DESCENDENTS RECORD, OR A BAR OF SOAP THAT YOU DON’T NEED CAUSE YOU NEVER SHOWER.

YELLOW: A LIBERTY SPIKE

Q- What gives you a bigger thrill- playing in front of a packed house or knife crime?

BLUE: KNIFE CRIME.

GREEN: KNIFE CRIME.

YELLOW: KNIFE CRIME.

RED: KNIFE CRIME.

BLUE: PACKED HOUSE IS PRETTY CLOSE THOUGH.

Q- Where do you do most of your song writing? At home, on the road, outside someone’s bedroom window?

BLUE: IN THE JOINT, MOSTLY.  ALL THERE REALLY IS TO DO IS PUSH UPS OR WRITE SONGS OR CONVERT TO ISLAM.

RED: PRAISE ALLAH.

Q- Do you share the writing duties in any way?

BLUE: I WRITE MOST OF THE STUFF, BUT WE ALL CONTRIBUTE AS A BAND TO ARRANGING THE SONGS.  LOTS OF TIMES I COME TO

PRACTICE WITH A SONG IDEA, AND WE FLESH IT OUT AS A BAND.  EVERYBODY WRITES THEIR OWN PARTS TO SOME EXTENT.

Q- The world seems a lot more cutthroat these days, is there honour amongst thieves anymore?

GREEN: THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION.  IT DOES SEEM LIKE STUFF IS CRAZY THESE DAYS.  LIKE, THE OTHER DAY I WAS JUST TRYING TO TALK TO THIS GIRL AND ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE STARTS SCREAMING.  I WAS ALL LIKE “WHAT?” AND SHE WAS ALL LIKE “AAAAAHH!!” SO I RAN OUT OF HER HOUSE.

BLUE: I THINK THERE’S HONOR AMONGST THIEVES.

YELLOW: I THINK AMONGST IS A WEIRD WORD.  AMONGST.  AMONGST.  IT JUST SOUNDS WEIRD.  WHO MADE THAT UP, SHAKESPEAR?

BLUE: PROBABLY.  HE WAS A CREEPY OLD DUDE.

Q- Let’s play a hypothetical called- ‘stab, steal, recruit’. Who out of the Ramones would you have stabbed? Who would you have stolen from? And who would you have tried and recruit to Masked Intruder?

BLUE: WELL, LIKE MOST PUNK BANDS, WE DEFINITELY STEAL FROM THE RAMONES.  NOT LIKE JEWELRY OR NOTHING.  JUST, LIKE, THE SOUND OF OUR MUSIC.   I WOULDN’T TRY TO STAB NONE OF THOSE DUDES CAUSE THEY SEEM PRETTY TOUGH.

RED: I WOULDA STABBED MARKY AND RECRUITED MYSELF INTO THE RAMONES.

Q- Do you think the internet has ruined or enhanced traditional stalking skills and practices? Is stalking a lost art now?

BLUE: NOT AT ALL.  FACEBOOK IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.  IT’S LIKE WE’RE LIVING IN THE FUTURE.  IT’S GREAT.

YELLOW: THANK YOU MARK ZUCKERBERG!

BLUE: THAT MOVIE WAS PRETTY GOOD TOO.

GREEN: TOTAL RECALL?

BLUE: NO, THE FACEBOOK MOVIE.  BUT TOTAL RECALL IS THE BOMB.

RED: YEAH!

Q- Can you give some tips for the novices out there- if you’re going to stalk someone, what’s the one must have item?

BLUE: BINOCULARS ARE A PLUS.

GREEN: A RESISTANCE TO PEPPER SPRAY.  I PUT HOT SAUCE IN MY EYES EVERYDAY.  IT HURTS AT FIRST, BUT IT SMELLS LIKE MEXICAN FOOD WHEN I CRY.

YELLOW: SO THAT’S WHY I GET HUNGRY WHEN YOU WATCH THE NOTEBOOK!

Q- It must get cold in Wisconsin, how do you prepare for crime in the winter months?

RED: WE MIGHT DOUBLE UP ON OUR SKI MASKS IF IT’S REALLY COLD.

BLUE: PREPARING FOR A CRIME IS A LOT LIKE PREPARING FOR A COLD DAY.  YOU PUT ON GLOVES AND A MASK AND YOU DRINK HOT CHOCOLATE WHEN YOU’RE DONE.

Q- Do you have any tips on the best way to outrun a police dog?

RED: RUN REAL, REAL FAST.

YELLOW: GREEN KEEPS HOT DOGS IN HIS POCKET.

GREEN: YEAH, THAT WAY, WHEN I GET TIRED, I HAVE A EXTRA BOOST OF ENERGY FROM EATING THE HOTDOGS TO HELP ESCAPE THE DOGS.

Q- How do you interact with your fans?

BLUE: ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK AND AT OUR SHOWS AND STUFF.  MOSTLY WE JUST LOOK AT THEM THROUGH THEIR WINDOWS.

RED: UNLESS THEYRE DUDES.  WERE NOT WEIRDOS OR NOTHIN.

Q- Who are some of the bands role models- musical, criminal or otherwise?

GREEN: PERSONALLY, WE ALL LOVE SNOOKI. SHE IS LIKE A INSPIRATION TO US.

YELLOW: PRESIDENT BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.

BLUE: MUSICALLY, WE ALL GREW UP ON 80’S AND 90’S PUNK.  WE ALL REALLY LOVE CLASSIC POP, LIKE THE FOUR SEASONS AND BUDDY HOLLY AND STUFF TOO, SO WE TRY TO JUST KINDA ROLL WITH IT.

Q- On a serious note- has the band ever been accused/criticised of encouraging crime against women? How do you try and avoid the actual nasty stuff?

BLUE: WE ARE DEFINITELY CONCERNED WITH MAKING SURE NOT TO ADVOCATE SEXUAL ASSAULT.  ONLY A PIECE OF SHIT DIRTBAG WOULD RAPE SOMEBODY.  WE MAY BE DIRT BAGS, BUT WE’RE NOT PIECE OF SHIT DIRT BAGS.  AS DUDES WHO HAVE SERVED A LOT OF TIME, WE CAN VOUCH FOR THE FACT THAT RAPE IS TERRIBLE.  WE WANT GIRLS TO LIKE US, WE WANT TO WIN THEM OVER AND HAVE THEM WANT TO BE WITH US.  THE ONLY CRIMES WE ADVOCATE ARE STEALING STUFF, WHICH IS A VICTIMLESS CRIME.

Q- As we learnt from the Batman movies, the conflict between crime and the law can escalate. Do you worry about a masked vigilante punk band appearing challenging your criminal ways?

BLUE: WE DO NOW!  YOU’RE GIVIN ME THE HEEBIE JEEBIES!

Q- Who out of the 4 members would be most likely to fail the ‘prisoner’s dilemma’?

BLUE: THE REAL PRISONERS DILEMMA IS TRYING TO GET A DECENT SLICE OF PIZZA IN THE JOINT.  WE ALL FAIL THAT ONE.

Q- In this modern world of CSI forensics and DNA, how do you take precautions to avoid leaving alleged evidence at the alleged scene of the crime?

GREEN: WE AINT FIGURED THAT ONE OUT YET.

BLUE: IT HELPS TO NOT BLEED ALL OVER THE PLACE.  SO, DON’T GET STABBED.  THAT’S PRETTY GOOD ADVICE JUST IN GENERAL ACTUALLY.

Q- Masked Intruder is doing a big tour with Teenage Bottlerocket and Nothington soon, how will you avoid raising suspicions from the ‘Man’ with all the extra attention?

BLUE: THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION.  I DON’T THINK THE COPS ARE WISE TO PUNK ROCK.

RED: YEAH, THE POLICE DON’T KNOW BLACK FLAG FROM BLUES TRAVELER.

BLUE: EVEN IF WE DID GET NABBED, IT WOULD BE WORTH IT.  TBR IS ONE OF OUR FAVORITE BANDS!  NOTHINGTON IS GREAT TOO, AND THEYRE REAL NICE DUDES.  WE CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS TOUR.

Q- Maura from Mixtapes does guest vocals on the record. How did that come about and can you give any hints about what the song is about at all?

BLUE: WE MET HER AND MIXTAPES WHILE WE WERE DOING A SHORT TOUR WITH DIRECT HIT A LITTLE WHILE BACK.  WE ARE BIG FANS OF MIXTAPES AND WE THOUGHT MAURA WOULD BE PERFECT FOR THE SONG, SO WE ASKED HER AND SHE SAID YES.  THEY HAPPENED TO BE ROUTED THROUGH CHICAGO AT THE SAME TIME WE WERE RECORDING, SO IT WAS LIKE IT WAS MEANT TO BE.  THE SONG IS CALLED ‘HEART SHAPED GUITAR’ AND IT’S ABOUT A DUDE SINGING TO A GIRL THAT HE LOVES HER, BUT SHE’S NOT INTO IT.  IT’S A DUET SO YOU GET TO HEAR IT FROM OUR POINT OF VIEW AND ALSO THE GIRLS POINT OF VIEW.

Q- Lastly, the zine is called ‘Wasted Opportunities’ which can be a play on words, so I ask at the end of each interview what’s a memorable opportunity gone to waste? Or reversely, when was a time you were drunk or ‘wasted’ and had some great opportunity come your way?

RED: WE WERE DRUNK WHEN WE ANSWERED THESE QUESTIONS.

BLUE: IN PRISON, I TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A BIG BATCH OF TOILET WINE. THEN GREEN DID AN UPPER DECKER IN MY CELL AND RUINED THE WHOLE BATCH.  SO I TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO RETURN THE FAVOR IN HIS CELL WHEN HE WASN’T AROUND.

GREEN: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS OFF WITH THAT BATCH!

YELLOW: AN EYE FOR AN EYE LEAVES THE WHOLE WORLD BLIND.

BLUE: AND WITHOUT TOILET WINE.

Thank you!!

Check Out Masked Intruder at the link- http://www.facebook.com/maskedintruder